ate kai is right.
i don't need a boyfriend to make me feel special. real friends can do that for me.
real friends, yeah real friends and there are just few of them, few enough that i can easily name and count them.
i am tired of being taken for granted.
i am tired of being just the option of other people.
it's time that i think about myself first.
people can't just come and go into my life as they please
when you go, you go...
there's just no more turning back...
*ate kai
*carol
*buddy
... i don't know what was it that i did to deserve you guys...
i want you to know that you never fail to make me feel special.
thank you so much for coming and staying in my life...
*at sa surprise birthday party! ;D
i'd be lost without you guys. hehe ;D
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
peanut butter sandwich
***this should have been published last monday but unfortunately just when I was about to click the publish post button, they told me (people in the comp lab that is) that the internet connection was down...
I feel I ought to write something for this is my last day of being a teen-y bopper (technically that is for I know there'll always be a child in me ;p). I've been in a lot of things (some were good, some were not so good *wink*) lately and I decided to share some of my thoughts for I just dont quite trust my often forgetful memory to remember all these precious moments eternally. So here I go...
#1: AYEN + TORKY = KAREN
It's not that I hate being called torky, it's just that every time someone calls me that I can't help but feel uneasy for I feel like I am still an applicant in the org. I only let myself be called that because really I didn't have the choice to say no that time and I don't remember anyone ever asking before if it was okay to call me like that because had someone did, I would have blurted out that I prefer and would appreciate if you will opt to call me ayen or karen. Torky is just roughly 30% of me, it's just the fortune-teller-happy-go-lucky side of me only. And if you're contented with that then, you hardly know me. Not that I impose you to know me deeper but I appreciate those who exerted and are exerting their efforts to know the real me (you know who you are ;D), the whole of me and not just the perky torky or the sweetie ayen. The sum of the parts is not the same as the whole ;D
#2: FREE TO MINGLE
After three consecutive years of being involved in a different romantic relationship every year (and it's not something I am proud of po), once in a while it somehow feels lonesome for me to realize that I've been single for more than a year already. I'll be such a hypocrite if i won't admit that i miss being the center of one's world, of having someone take care of me, of having someone to take care of (officially) and hearing someone tell me that I rock his world (though some of them turned out to be jerks! *wink*). However, being single taught me a lot....
1. I realized that I must love myself first. 2. I should and can be happy on my own. Being emotionally dependent only puts me into great risks. 3. Being alone doesn't always mean being lonely. 4. Dwelling in the past won't get me nowhere. Life is meant to be lived. 5. Life goes on...and on and on.
Don't get me wrong though, it was not that I had a zero love life the past year, it was just that none reached the part of being official (sad somehow :c) so technically I was single. I must admit I would love to have someone special now (like as in right now beside me in this cold computer lab) but if it's not yet time, I am willing to wait. I know it'll be worth the wait anyway.
#3: DOCTOR! DOCTOR!
Thanks a lot to my previous groupmate in a class last summer, a lot now knows I was an INTARMED qualifier (something I would have preferred to remain hushed and kept within my inner circle) but since it's already out, I might as well talk about it and clarify some things. Those who learned about it were I think surprised because I don't look it. hehe ;D. And yes, I do agree with some of you that it was kinda foolish not to pursue it when it was being readily offered to me. It was just that during that time I didn't know what I wanted in life and I thought I still have time to think about it much later. I thought I wanted to be a lawyer (the typical dream of political science freshies) more than becoming a doctor, I really thought so before. Now, I guess it's late to change mind so I think it would be best to just make the best out of what I have right now. And though there's some regret for passing an opportunity like that, I am having an amazing time here anyway in Diliman plus had I pursued it, I wouldn't have met the wonderful people I now have in life. Well since I'm talking of acads...i'll fill you up more about my acad life (what?!). It's amazing how fast time flies. I'm already in my senior year (and my last hopefully) and it's just like yesterday when I was still a naive freshie and a Kalai resident. UP rocks! I would forever cherish my UP life because it is really here where I learned not only intellectually but also picked up things I know would help me along the stretch. And since this is my last year, I would like to clean up my act and make the best out of my remaining days. Never mind that I won't graduate with a laude (thanks to math 17! if only I hadn't dropped), it would have been just a lovely bonus. UP is a torture, a very sweet torture that is. ;D
#4: 'KADA
I had a blast with my 'kada since grade school two weeks ago. It was really fun hopping around UP, ChocKiss and Eastwood and being the sole rose of three guys (Noreen and Yayan, we miss you so badly! :c) We splurged quite a lot (don't ask how much... every peso was spent well it's worth anyway ;D). It was just so great to be with people you care and genuinely care for you too. And of course, there's such a high when female species eye me with envy because I am with three good-looking (and smart! they're maroons as well ;p) gentlemen! That was really really fun! Big time thanks to you bros! And sorry if i sometimes I fail to spend time with you. I'll make up for it promise. Noreen, lagi ka nang busy. grRr! miss you grabe. Yayan, our new mom! Congrats! Hope to see the baby soon. Kiss her for me. ;D
#5: DEBUTANTE
This one's a confession. I envy those who got to celebrate their 18 years of existence with a debut (yes, i am aware that it isn't practical). I would have liked to have one when I turned 18 for that was something I dreamed of since I was little but unfortunately it didn't materialize to reality. I am not mad with my family because I very well understood the reasons why my debut wasn't pushed through. We experienced such a big problem in the family and it would be so selfish of me if I hadn't given way. Anyway, I still can't help but wish that it happened. So, I really promised myself a big party when I turn 36. hehe ;p
#6: TEAZZ ME!
Up to this time, I still can't quite believe that it really happened to me. I can't quite believe that I really got hugged, kissed, brought up on stage and danced with Raymond Marasigan of Sandwich last friday mid-morning during the concert for freshies at the Bahay ng Alumni. It was funny for while it was happening, I didn't knew it was him and was clueless of the song he was singing ( I thank my lucky stars that he didn't asked me to sing ;p, he only asked me to dance ;p) because I am really not so into bands. I am not so sure if I looked okay while I was on stage but what the heck, a lot would have given anything just to change place with me that night. I'll forever treasure that grand experience, something I would love to pass on to my grand and great-grandchildren. It was really such a lovely advanced birthday gift! ;D
#7: DANGGIT
I know you know and you know I know. But you never told me why it suddenly ended. I guess let's just leave it like that. I think it's for the better. I am contented in knowing that once upon a time I was special.
#8: WAPAK
You're not worth the pain.
*this is not what's supposed to be written here if this was published last monday but something happened that changed everything...
To all my love ones, maraming salamat sa pagbibigay kulay sa bawat araw ng buhay ko. Cheers to more wonderful years with all of you! ;D
Whew! that's quite a piece... 'till next time folks! ;D
I feel I ought to write something for this is my last day of being a teen-y bopper (technically that is for I know there'll always be a child in me ;p). I've been in a lot of things (some were good, some were not so good *wink*) lately and I decided to share some of my thoughts for I just dont quite trust my often forgetful memory to remember all these precious moments eternally. So here I go...
#1: AYEN + TORKY = KAREN
It's not that I hate being called torky, it's just that every time someone calls me that I can't help but feel uneasy for I feel like I am still an applicant in the org. I only let myself be called that because really I didn't have the choice to say no that time and I don't remember anyone ever asking before if it was okay to call me like that because had someone did, I would have blurted out that I prefer and would appreciate if you will opt to call me ayen or karen. Torky is just roughly 30% of me, it's just the fortune-teller-happy-go-lucky side of me only. And if you're contented with that then, you hardly know me. Not that I impose you to know me deeper but I appreciate those who exerted and are exerting their efforts to know the real me (you know who you are ;D), the whole of me and not just the perky torky or the sweetie ayen. The sum of the parts is not the same as the whole ;D
#2: FREE TO MINGLE
After three consecutive years of being involved in a different romantic relationship every year (and it's not something I am proud of po), once in a while it somehow feels lonesome for me to realize that I've been single for more than a year already. I'll be such a hypocrite if i won't admit that i miss being the center of one's world, of having someone take care of me, of having someone to take care of (officially) and hearing someone tell me that I rock his world (though some of them turned out to be jerks! *wink*). However, being single taught me a lot....
1. I realized that I must love myself first. 2. I should and can be happy on my own. Being emotionally dependent only puts me into great risks. 3. Being alone doesn't always mean being lonely. 4. Dwelling in the past won't get me nowhere. Life is meant to be lived. 5. Life goes on...and on and on.
Don't get me wrong though, it was not that I had a zero love life the past year, it was just that none reached the part of being official (sad somehow :c) so technically I was single. I must admit I would love to have someone special now (like as in right now beside me in this cold computer lab) but if it's not yet time, I am willing to wait. I know it'll be worth the wait anyway.
#3: DOCTOR! DOCTOR!
Thanks a lot to my previous groupmate in a class last summer, a lot now knows I was an INTARMED qualifier (something I would have preferred to remain hushed and kept within my inner circle) but since it's already out, I might as well talk about it and clarify some things. Those who learned about it were I think surprised because I don't look it. hehe ;D. And yes, I do agree with some of you that it was kinda foolish not to pursue it when it was being readily offered to me. It was just that during that time I didn't know what I wanted in life and I thought I still have time to think about it much later. I thought I wanted to be a lawyer (the typical dream of political science freshies) more than becoming a doctor, I really thought so before. Now, I guess it's late to change mind so I think it would be best to just make the best out of what I have right now. And though there's some regret for passing an opportunity like that, I am having an amazing time here anyway in Diliman plus had I pursued it, I wouldn't have met the wonderful people I now have in life. Well since I'm talking of acads...i'll fill you up more about my acad life (what?!). It's amazing how fast time flies. I'm already in my senior year (and my last hopefully) and it's just like yesterday when I was still a naive freshie and a Kalai resident. UP rocks! I would forever cherish my UP life because it is really here where I learned not only intellectually but also picked up things I know would help me along the stretch. And since this is my last year, I would like to clean up my act and make the best out of my remaining days. Never mind that I won't graduate with a laude (thanks to math 17! if only I hadn't dropped), it would have been just a lovely bonus. UP is a torture, a very sweet torture that is. ;D
#4: 'KADA
I had a blast with my 'kada since grade school two weeks ago. It was really fun hopping around UP, ChocKiss and Eastwood and being the sole rose of three guys (Noreen and Yayan, we miss you so badly! :c) We splurged quite a lot (don't ask how much... every peso was spent well it's worth anyway ;D). It was just so great to be with people you care and genuinely care for you too. And of course, there's such a high when female species eye me with envy because I am with three good-looking (and smart! they're maroons as well ;p) gentlemen! That was really really fun! Big time thanks to you bros! And sorry if i sometimes I fail to spend time with you. I'll make up for it promise. Noreen, lagi ka nang busy. grRr! miss you grabe. Yayan, our new mom! Congrats! Hope to see the baby soon. Kiss her for me. ;D
#5: DEBUTANTE
This one's a confession. I envy those who got to celebrate their 18 years of existence with a debut (yes, i am aware that it isn't practical). I would have liked to have one when I turned 18 for that was something I dreamed of since I was little but unfortunately it didn't materialize to reality. I am not mad with my family because I very well understood the reasons why my debut wasn't pushed through. We experienced such a big problem in the family and it would be so selfish of me if I hadn't given way. Anyway, I still can't help but wish that it happened. So, I really promised myself a big party when I turn 36. hehe ;p
#6: TEAZZ ME!
Up to this time, I still can't quite believe that it really happened to me. I can't quite believe that I really got hugged, kissed, brought up on stage and danced with Raymond Marasigan of Sandwich last friday mid-morning during the concert for freshies at the Bahay ng Alumni. It was funny for while it was happening, I didn't knew it was him and was clueless of the song he was singing ( I thank my lucky stars that he didn't asked me to sing ;p, he only asked me to dance ;p) because I am really not so into bands. I am not so sure if I looked okay while I was on stage but what the heck, a lot would have given anything just to change place with me that night. I'll forever treasure that grand experience, something I would love to pass on to my grand and great-grandchildren. It was really such a lovely advanced birthday gift! ;D
#7: DANGGIT
I know you know and you know I know. But you never told me why it suddenly ended. I guess let's just leave it like that. I think it's for the better. I am contented in knowing that once upon a time I was special.
#8: WAPAK
You're not worth the pain.
*this is not what's supposed to be written here if this was published last monday but something happened that changed everything...
To all my love ones, maraming salamat sa pagbibigay kulay sa bawat araw ng buhay ko. Cheers to more wonderful years with all of you! ;D
Whew! that's quite a piece... 'till next time folks! ;D
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