lately, i realized that my life's somehow fit for an episode of A Series of Unfortunate Events
1. a political science 110 heartbreak
I received a failing mark for my first rrl draft. I got a 3.5 grade (with mam casambre there's such thing as a 3.5). actually, even before she gave out the results, I knew that I might fail in that exercise.. I knew that the paper I submitted was really sort of trash, and there's no one else who deserves the blame but me. I know that I deserved the failing mark.. I knew it was coming what with my being an ultimate cramming queen but though I knew it, I still cried (as usual i guess..) and cried and cried after receiving my paper.. I realized that with my lackluster performance this sem, I might not graduate on time and thoughts of how to tell my family began surfacing in my mind.. I couldn't breathe. It felt like the world was crashing down on me. I couldn't disappoint them, I don't want to.. not now when im almost there.. I blamed myself for being so lazy lately.. for indulging in a superhero syndrome (kaya yan later, ako pa... kaya tulog muna)..
"What's happening with you Karen?" "What's happening with you!" kept on buzzing on my mind.. An inner voice was telling me that I used to write well.. that some years ago, I even qualified for two english categories in the national press conference.. that I used to receive recognition and earn cash because of the words i put together in harmony.. so why the hell then can't I submit a decent paper now? I kept on thinking of different answers though all along deep within me I always knew the answer..
I am not fit for polsci.
I am in the wrong place. Because come to think of it, how could someone whose honest ambition in life is simply to be a loving housewife and a devoted mother could fit in the complex and abstract world of political science. I should have shifted a long time ago but I'm such a coward. I feared change. Nanghinayang ako sa panahon. Foolish of me, yes. I realize that now because I'm obviously suffering the consequences of my cowardice.. Oh well..
2. losing my beloved phone
Na-holdap ako last wednesday night on my way home with matching tutok ng cutter. It was partly my fault din naman kasi nagtetext ako sa sasakyan even if I'm aware na tukso ang paglalabas ng phone sa jeep. Traumatic pala ang ma-experience ang ganon. Natulala na lang ako kaya nga nakuha nung mga nang-holdap yung phone ko nang walang hassle.. Hindi ako umiyak, masyado siguro akong shocked. Ang alam ko lang, paulit-ulit kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na wala na kong phone.. wala na kong phone.. Siguro rin hindi pa kagad nag-sink in ang mga ibig sabihin nang wala na kong phone.. at nung nag-sink in, marami akong naramdaman.. 1.) Nahiya ako sa mom ko kasi hindi niya mabibili yung phone na binabalak niyang bilhin kasi kelangan kong magkaron ng phone (in less than 24 hours i got a new phone kaya nakokonsensya ako sobra sa mga kickbacks ko sa mom ko.. sorry ;c) 2.) Na-frustrate ako dahil lagi kong sinasabi na pag naholdap ako, hihingin ko ang sim card ko pero hindi ko nagawa kasi nga natulala na lang ako 3.) Nainis ako kasi wala na ang mga pinagkakaingat-ingatan kong pictures with my friends at 4.) Nalungkot ako kasi hindi ko na muling mababasa pa ang mga messages niya.. ang mga messages na nagpapaalaala ng mga priceless moments sa buhay ko.. sayang. sayang. sayang.
Ganon pa man, hindi ako nagalit sa mga nang-holdap sa akin.. Mas pinili ko na lang na tignan ang nangyari in a positive light. Inisip ko na lang na siguro mas malaki ang pangangailangan nila sa buhay kaysa sa pangangailangan ko sa phone ko kaya nangyari yun.. It's better to give than to receive nga raw.. Siguro rin it's a wake-up call from Papa Jesus.. sorry po at nakakalimot ako ;c at inisip ko na lang din na things like that are somehow part of growing up.. Siguro nga tumatanda na ko kaya naeexperience ko na ang mga ganong bagay at dapat matuto ako sa mga pangyayari.. Hindi na ko bata kaya dapat matuto na kong protektahan ang sarili kong kaligtasan. And at least may bago na akong phone! ;D
P.S.. kung nag-text kayo sa akin at hindi ako kagad nagreply dalawa lang 'yan... a.) wala akong load at the moment or b.) nasa biyahe ako at wala akong balak maglabas pa ng phone sa public vehicles forever ;D
3. five minutes late
Yesterday at 5pm was the deadline for my 172 paper and I missed it by a mere 5 minutes because.. well, I guess I was just really unfortunate.. and lately for me, it's nothing new anymore.. Of all days, kahapon pa dumating ang aking "visitor" kung kelan wala akong ginawang kahit na anong paghahanda.. and so nangyari ang isang nakakahiyang pangyayari kaya hindi ako kaagad na nakarating nang FC.. at kaya ayun nasaraduhan na ko ng department at nakita ko na lang na naglalakad na sa labas ng FC sina ate clare at ate zeny.. haay.. buti na lang sinundo ako ni ran dahil ang balak ko talaga didikit na lang muna ko sa wall ng FC sa third floor at maghihintay hanggang gumabi para wala nang makapansin sa nangyari sa kin (siguro naman nage-gets nio kung ano yung blooper na nangyari di ba? ;D).. at buti may jacket si ran at malaki ang bag ko kaya nasolusyunan ang problema.. at kaya naman nung ni-meet namin si dom eh nahulaan niya ang nangyari sa akin at natawa na lang kami.. in fairness, nag-fruit magic pa kami sa katips ni rania after.. hahaha ;D
5. morada baby?
Tapos kanina, i found out that CRS assigned me to Sir Morada's 199 class.. which is one of my greatest fears in life.. waah. hindi ako papayag. makukuha ko ang isa sa natitirang tatlong slots sa class ni mam casambre.. pero kung talagang nakatadhanang maging morada baby ako.. eh wala akong magagawa kundi...
bayaran si dominic ng 10 000
para gawin ang research proposal ko
teka teka nakalimutan kong humingi ng discount!
haha ;D
Pero feeling ko makukuha ko pa si mam casambre kaya ga-graduate pa rin ako on time! go positive thinking! ;D
4.) missing someone terribly
I'm losing a friend.. and of all the misfortunes I have been enduring lately, this is the ultimate.. I don't know what I did wrong for us to suddenly drift apart and how I wish we'd just go back in time to those old good happy days of ours. I don't know what'll happen next. All i know is that i miss you.. i terribly miss you.
Haay.. ang daming pangyayari..
Pero sabi nga sa akin..
think of happy thoughts na lang. aayos rin ang lahat.
at tsaka masaya naman kami ngayon. hehe ;D
