my 21st! =)

i had one of the best birthdays ever yesterday.

to the wonderful people in my life, for making my 21st extra special.. for making me feel special, thank you sooo much.

and to HIM, thank you for blessing my life and for giving me another year to share this blessed life.

i could not ask for more.

love,

ayen =)






Paolo (July 10, 10:20pm) : Happy Birthday ayen! For more fire in life!

Ricca (July 10, 11:09pm) : Happy birthday! How are you? regards..

Marinel (July 10, 11:13pm) : Bday alarm - Karen Torcuator 11 july 09274974282.. Hahaha.. Akala mo na wrong sent aq sau ng sarili mong bday alarm noh? Anyway, para maiba lng, happy haffee bday ate ayen.. I wish u a merry merry bday. Haha, sna mging msaya ka and special ang bday mo.. Xempre qng ice2lebr8 mo nman un ksama q na mganda eh sa2ya nman tlaga bday mo, but w8, ders more! Dhl bday mo., mganda (ay mas mganda k skn konti).. pero consummable lng til 11:59 ng july 11, aftr dat.. Pantay na ulit tau.. u know naman kulotin k lng mpagkkmalan n nman taung kambal.. Haha., o xa xa., Dhl halos araw2 n taung mgkasama at mgkksama pa tau..

Biboy (July 10, 11:59pm) : Ei, ate ayen! Happy birthday! *smiley*

Gracie (July 10, 12:00pm) : Haberdey ayen! *smiley*

Aiken (12:05am) : Goodmorning sunshine! => Happy Birthday! => hugggsss..

Nyl (12:20am) : Haba birdie ate ayen!!! Nyahaha. Wish u ol d best in lyf, e.g., luvlyf, health, sexiness, work, future plans. May u have ol d luv in ds world. I thank God 4 u!

Joel (12:22am) : Karen, happy bday! *smiley*

Tonet (12:24am) : Happy bday mother ayen! *smiley*

Ishie (1:08am) : Happy bday ayen! Mwamwah. *smiley*

Kat (2:33am) : Happy birthday ate ayen! i love you! *hugs*

Oya (6:49am) : Ayen! Happy birthday *smiley*

Tita Ollie and Kishi and my grandma called to greet me.. (7:11am) =)

Yetlen (7:22am) : Happy birthday ate ayen!

Vik (7:27am) : happy bday! libre! libre! libre!

Moi (7:28am) : Happy 21st Batch. *graphics* Love You, Love You!!

Budz April (7:33am) : Hapi birthday! *smiley*

Mickey (7:48am) : Happy Birthday to You. Happy Birthday to You. Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to You. *smiley*

Ran (7:54am) : Happy birthday dear. *smiley*

Jaja (8:07am) : Every person you "bump with" has a purpose.. so you ask yourself how this person touched your life.. with you?.. i never really asked.. i just smiled.. =) happy b'day, ate ayen!

Celine (8:08am) : girl! Hapi bday, *smiley* love ya!

Xtian (8:08am) : Batch! Happy Birthday!

Kristian (9:01am) : Happy birthday yenstah! *smiley* i wish na sana dumating na ang "the one" sa buhay mo. *smiley* ahahaha! *smiley* goodluck sa work! At ingat ka palague! *smiley* hehe. Ilang taon ka na nga?

Gianna (9:03am) : happy birthday ^_^

Jaja (9:06am) : Magandang umaga! *smiley* *ehem* Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, happy birthday... happy birthday to you! *smiley*

Dom (10:49am) : Ayen may kilala kang may birthday ngayon? Parang may naaalala ko na may bday ng july 11, di ko lng alam kung cno...





HAHAHAHAHAPPY BIRTHDAY AYEN! *smiley*

Verna (10:52am) : Karen, happy birthday!

Ariel (11:02am) : Happy bday karen! *smiley*

Jayson (11:20am): Happy birthday karen! Miss u! Godbless. *smiley*

Ian (11:26am) : Happy birthday! i wish you all the happiness in this world for someone like you deserves to be happy. I wish im there with you today. miss you. call you later..

Jerome (12:16pm) : Happy birthday ayen! *smiley*

Noreen (3:02pm) : hi sis! happy happ birthday!!! i wish you all the best in your life.. goodluck sis.. may you have more blessings to come.. i loveyou and im always here for you.. see you soon.. take care always!!! muah! God Bless..

Carol (4:03pm) : ayen! happy birthday dear manghuhula.. ^-^ miss u..

Via (4:06pm) : Ate ayen! Happy birthday!

Justin (4:33pm) : Ate Karen, Nkita ko sa aking profile na birthday mo sa July 11th. Kaya ngayon, binabati kita ng hapPi BirtHdaY! May U hav morE bIrThdaYs to ComE! Take CaRe Always and GoD BLeSs!


Rania called me =) (5:15pm)


Bully Tin (7:03pm) : Ayen, hapi bday! *smiley* musta?

Ruth (7:57pm) : Happy birthday ate ayen! *smiley* hope you had a blast *smiley* love you. *smiley*

Kuya Rommel (9:07pm) : my pinsan ganda, hapi b_day!

Ceazar (10:07pm) : Happy bornday!

Mau called me =) (10:15pm)

Tito Dan (10:57pm) : Happy birthday karen! More blessings and good health. Please take in charge of Miko's birthday program and games. Thanks!

Jal (11:01pm) : Before im too late, happy birthday! :-) May God bless you with everything you need.

Ian called.. =) (11:20pm)

Farrah (11:41pm) : Hapi birthday! Pagpalain k ng Diyos *smiley*

Austin (11:54pm) : Ms. ayen! Hapy bday po *smiley* Many more fun ones 2 come *smiley*

Elbert (July 12, 10:38 am) : ui miss karen.. *smiley* belated haberdey! *smiley* *graphics*

OJ (July 12, 1:15pm) : Happy birthday Ayen! Enjoy your day and stay gorgeous!

our last song

Close your eyes, make a wish
And blow out the candlelight
For tonight is just your night
We're gonna celebrate, all thru the night
Pour the wine, light the fire
Girl your wish is my command
I submit to your demands
I'll do anything, girl you need only ask

Chorus:
I'll make love to you
Like you want me to
And I'll hold you tight
Baby all through the night
I'll make love to you
When you want me to
And I will not let go
Till you tell me to

Girl relax, let's go slow
I ain't got nowhere to go
I'm just gonna concentrate on you
Girl are you ready, it's gonna be a long night
Throw your clothes on the floor
I'm gonna take my clothes off too
I made plans to be with you
Girl whatever you ask me you know I'll do

Chorus

Baby tonight is your night
And I will do you right
Just make a wish on your night
Anything that you ask
I will give you the love of your life

Chorus



*the last song he sang for me.. with me.. =)

"ano uno ka na?" Apr 17, '07 7:15 AM

Since the beginning, there had never been any future for "us".

I had been merely the recipient of his frustration over her.

But it wasn't as if I had never been aware of the true situation.

He had never deceived me; afterall he had never made any promises.

We had just been two people caught up in an emotional hurricane.

And hurricanes had casualties, didn't they?

I was simply one of them.



*what have i done?

sing this song for me... Mar 25, '07 9:25 AM

when i go i will miss you

and i will be thinking of you

every night and day

just promise me

you'll wait for me

'cause i'll be saving all my love for you

and i will be home soon

promise me

you'll wait for me

i need to know you feel the same way too

i'll be home

i'll be home

i'll be home soon..



* 525, 600 minutes x 2... how i wish i met you sooner...

my rhett butler. Mar 17, '07 11:43 PM

It was such a beautiful beginning for a love that would never be fulfilled.


We started innocently enough – as friends.

We talked day and night, exchanging witticisms and amusing comments on the ironies of life. You stimulated my interest, and pretty soon, you captured my heart.

I used to laugh at couples who couldn’t get enough of each other, when I suddenly found myself reluctant to say goodnight after spending the whole day with you. I couldn’t sleep, wondering why tomorrow was taking so long.

It was never like that for me before…
I had to laugh at the irony of it all.

I used to dream of a Prince Charming who would sweep me off my feet in a dazzling romance, but there I was – in love with a guy who, for all his eloquence, barely knew how to tell me he loved me.

Didn’t you know? Each time you smiled, you were winning my trust. And every time you held my hand, you were touching my heart. In your arms, I was in danger of falling deeper, yet I knew I couldn’t be more secure. You reached me in a way nobody else has before, and you gave me faith in things I’ve never had the courage to believe.


Still, I held back. What we had was wonderful, and it was so perfect, so absolutely perfect, that I was afraid to believe it could last forever.



*not now, perhaps another day.

>><<>><< (bakit kaya ganito ang title no? hahaha =) ) Mar 15, '07 6:21 AM

fallin' in...

fallin' out

fallin' in...

fallin' out...

fallin' out...

fallin' out...

fallin' in...



*my dear... halos two years na tayong ganito... maiba naman para mas masaya tayo.



fallin' in...

fallin' in...

fallin' in...



...with a commitment...

finally. =)

seven pee-em

"kung hindi ako magkakaroon ng boyfriend sa UP, 'yun ay dahil hindi naging tayo..." (Torcuator, 2007)

fly me to the moon

A-ll Y-ou E-ver N-eeded is [in]LOVE.




* _ _ _ , finally i believe in forever again...

thanks, for yesterday..





belated happy valentine's day everyone =)

wrap around

i have deprived myself of something for quite a long period of time for someone whom i thought was.. oh never mind. what is important is that now i have realized my foolishness.. and so i'm back in the game. =p





* this is my goodbye to you.. whoever you are.

look into my eyes =)

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorshouldyoureyesbequiz/">What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

happiness

happiness. =)

shake hands =)

hahaha..
hinde ako makalog-in last week..

we're okay na.

love ko na ulet ang aking dear

dear friend =)

goodluck later! =)

how i wish i momentarily died at 4:00pm yesterday

this is the last time i'll ever say anything about what happened yesterday.
this time i will do away with the ambiguity i always incorporate with what i write in here.
this time i will be simply frank and honest about how i really felt.

i shed a lot of tears yesterday to the point that my eyes really really hurt. i was even feeling embarassed to show my face to my mother when i came home. i was afraid she'd notice and ask me why my eyes looked so puffy and i was afraid that i would not be able to control my emotions again and burst into yet another stream of tears. she noticed, yes, but she didn't ask. thank you Lord.

so why did i cry?
i felt disappointed with someone. i want to make it clear that that someone is not her (yes, i was disappointed with her for not doing her assigned duties for our committee but that was a different kind of disappointment.. it, indeed, made me feel bad but that would not be something i would cry about despite my being a cry-baby). well yes, everything started because of that issue with her and so i guess she's somehow part of the reason but really the tears weren't shed for or because of her..

i felt disappointed in a friend. someone whom i thought would have known me by now.. someone i least expected to make me feel this bad.. someone whom I thought understood me.. apparently, i expected too much..

maybe you had good intentions for telling me what you told me.. but you know what, you could have first asked me about what really happened (like what I expected a friend would do), about why I wasn't feeling friendly with her lately.. you could have also asked me first if i was the one who started the 'talk' about her because honestly speaking, i wasn't the one.. but you did not. when you talked to me, you already had an assumption/conclusion about what happened or what is happening. too bad for me i guess, i could no longer plead my case.

but you know what hurts more? it was when you made me feel that her feelings are more important than my feelings... that you chose to protect her than protect me.. it all felt like, all of a sudden, i was the bad girl and she was the good girl. and it was so unfair. that was so unfair. you made me feel like i am a member of the organization first more than i am your friend and that was the hardest slap in my face i have ever received in my life.

once again, maybe you didn't intend to make me feel this bad but that was how it felt... and it hurts more so because of the frustration i felt that you don't seem to realize that i was hurt because of you.. yes, it was because of you, it was because of the words you said and how those words made me feel. and so how i wish that 4:00 pm never existed in our friendship, how i wish.. because now, i feel sort of disenchanted and lost with that friendship.. i don't know how to make things go back to normal.. right now, honestly i don't know if it's possible to go back to the way things used to be.. and that actually hurts me most.

this is so unlike me.. as much as possible i choose to suffer in silence because i am afraid that i might utter words which might cause unhealable wounds.. but i guess sometimes i just have to stop caring about other's feelings and think about myself first naman.. i think i should start caring for my feelings naman.

you kept asking me this yesterday.. "naiintindihan mo naman ako ayen di ba?" and i so wanted to ask you this too, "ikaw, naiintindihan mo ba ako?" kasi kung oo, hinde sana nangyari 'to..

sorry, dito ko dinaan kasi nung sasabihin ko na kasi sana ang totoo sa'yo kagabi, saka mo naman kailangan nang umalis..

if this may seem to be so harsh, i guess i'm sorry (?) but this is really how i felt, how i feel.
i don't want to pretend that i am ok because i really am not.